I used to write in my diary. I stopped. But it was one of the most important tools to self-knowledge, self-healing, self-discovery, and spiritual awakening I think this world has to give. I didn't know it at the time, about the benefits of my natural inclination -- and I've become so distracted by writing for others and writing to "make it"over the years -- but I've come to remember journaling and that has made me want to re-connect with its power. But, I have to do so in a way that fits the person I have grown into being. And, quite frankly, I'm not sure what that is. Spiritually speaking I know that I am an expression of God... a singular expression of the Ultimate Life Force. I am Divine Intelligence having an experience as me. A part of the Whole. I am not lowly, or exalted - there is no hierarchy, no judgement. Just a part of the Whole with all of the resources, rights and privileges therein.
My desire, simply put, is to allow the fullest expression of Wholeness as me as I possibly can in this that is the rest of my conscious time on Earth; that is, to know as much as I can about spiritual and natural laws such that I can wield them in any direction my divine alignment directs me to in order to manifest on this plane the greatest life-affirming and life-promoting expressions of the Whole as possible. This is very different from wanting to use them to create all the 'good' stuff and avoid all the 'bad' stuff, I know. And I am quite aware that that which seems 'bad' is often retrospectively the greatest blessing, and vice versa. It's hard to operate outside the paradigm of judgement -- how do you make the 'right' decision if you don't know what's right and wrong?
I am on a journey to Know this version of myself. Version 37.0. I am working on the assumption that I can be known. There is a destination in my quest... not an endpoint or an outcome, but a destination. There is a place I am trying to get to, and I hope that it is all that I imagine it to be. My destination is a way of being. And I know that it is not a static thing. This destination is balanced on a fulcrum that needs constant negotiation. It is a garden that must be cultivated and maintained... It is a current in which I must be remain centered through all the twists and turns... it's a way of being that is the most in alignment with the Source... it's in the Flow. In the Zone all the time, or at the very least, whenever I'd like, is my destination. I know that such a place exists for I have experienced it. I am thankful for that confirmation - it exists. It's a place where you can heal yourself. It's a place when you're the alchemist. When you're the witch. The master. How to do get back there and stay there? How do I live there? I don't know. Yet. And why bother getting there? That I do have an answer for: Because I believe that it will bring the greatest fulfillment - a sense of the Divine in me, an unmatched satisfaction that comes from truly knowing deep within myself that I fulfilled my potential... that I honored the divine gift of Life by giving what I can the way only I can for the greatest benefit to Life.
That's what I want.
Now what I am willing to do - or not do, or to sacrifice, or to hoard - to achieve this worthiest of causes?
Last night, I got into a heated debate with my cousin Rawnee over LeBron James... she felt he was selfish for leaving Cleveland in his quest for a NBA championship. She questioned his moral character as she felt that loyalty and selflessness were more virtuous traits than ambition and self-exaltation. I disagreed mainly because I didn't see his actions as reflections of self-exaltation. If God has given us all a capacity for unique expression, and our job is to cultivate and manifest that unique expression to the fullest capacity we can, is it not our duty to take every opportunity to do so... even if it means disappointing others... or being disloyal or even breaking a contract (man's law vs. God's law)? Is not our covenant to God to develop ourselves and shine our light. Thoughts...
I had an ongoing conversation with my grandmother about the nature of the world. She believes - or prefers to believe - that it is and should be black and white. But the world is not. God is not. And that scares people. God is not solid... it's the constant motion of atoms. Shifting sands. That is God. God has no judgement of good and bad, right an wrong. God is all things, labels are our own. Those judgments are our own. God has no preference. We do. God is Energy and Law. Inexhaustible Energy. Unbreakable Law. It has no favorites. It just keeps giving Energy and laying down the Law. There are no loopholes, no exceptions, no nepotism, nada. Nothing can be taken from God. Nothing can be added to God. God is not disappointed. Nor is God satisfied. God is All. God is Energy and Law. That is it. Our experience of that Energy and Law - how we choose to use it, and how we choose not to use it to manifest circumstances, relationships, etc. - is what we call our lives.
The Gospel (good news)?
I know who I am.
God is in exhaustible.